“How is he now?”, “We are waiting for IV o”, “What is happening?”, or one of my personal favorites, “Hope you are praying sha”. lol.
A lot of young girls and ladies have heard this several times. You finish school, get to a certain age, and it seems that’s all you hear. You can’t escape it. Sometimes it is laced with humor, other times it is said with concern. Prayer points also start to change. They start to sound more like “ you will find/marry the bone of your bones and the flesh of your flesh”, “God will divinely connect you”. Everything starts to center around if you have met him, if you are praying about him, if you are being realistic with your expectations etc etc .
The pressure to be in a relationship and eventually get married is so deeply entrenched into the fabric of our society that it has sort of become normalised. A girl graduates and suddenly, everyone is interested in her love life. Even the most well-meaning individuals are not aware they might be doing more harm than good. And you know what bugs me most about this? Guys don’t seem to face this same amount of pressure. I talk to guys my age and they all admit how rarely people talk to them about marriage. So why are we focusing all the energy on girls?!
I used to think I was immune to all of this. I mean marriage has never been a do or die affair for me. Now don’t get me wrong, I love love o😁 😊(I have to clarify before people start coming for me, lol). I can even be such a hopeless romantic (all thanks to the many harlequin novels I read growing up, lol #IYKYK). But some of the toxic stories I hear about the marriage institution has not particularly endeared me to it.
Recently however, I had an experience that made me realise how vulnerable I was to these pressures. I almost got into a relationship just because I wanted to be in a relationship. It wasn’t like I particularly liked this person, but I just felt it was about time I had a boo, lol. I wanted to be able to tell the many people that bug me about “him” that there was finally a “him”.
I am glad I caught myself before I went too far, but many young girls and women might not have been so lucky. This pressure gets to you. It creeps in insidiously. You can form ‘Hard girl’ from now till tomorrow, but there are times you question your resolve. Is something wrong with me? Is there some truth in what these people are saying? Am I being too picky? Is time running out? All these doubts have led to many girls making the wrong decisions. Getting into relationships they are not supposed to get into, and eventually ending up in toxic marriages.
So to my fellow young ladies dealing with this same pressure, I want you to know that YOU are ENOUGH. Nothing is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with making yourself a priority at this stage of your life. Nothing is wrong with wanting to take your time before tying the knot. Nothing is wrong with being committed to your personal growth. Nothing is wrong with wanting to further your education, advance your career , or even just chill. Don’t let the society tell you otherwise. YOU are ENOUGH.
And if you are one of the well-meaning people that keep asking about “him”, please understand that the questions, advice, prayer points, and inferences can be really exhausting. They can be even more exhausting when the person hasn’t met him yet, or when meeting him is not top of their priority list. Ask different questions. Switch it up a bit, lol. I would love for you to ask me about my plans, my goals, my mental health, how I plan on furthering my education or career. Offer me pieces of advice that will make me reflect and re-evaluate my short- and long-term goals. Pray that I find clarity and purpose. Just stop asking me about “him”. I get your concern, but I am more important than him!