THE SUYA ANALOGY: Basic Info about Consent

🎶🎶Valentine is coming,
Where is your boyfriend??
la la lalalala lala 🎶🎶

Finish the lyrics lol

Love is in the air guys.
Cupid has been busy shooting arrows up and down😁😁
And I know a lot of couples, people, are making plans for this day.

But pls, permit me to interrupt your plans and daydreams for about 5 minutes, and tell you a story about Suya and 2 friends.

Story Story (story)

Once upon a time (time time)

In a time not far ago, there used to be 2 friends.
We will call them Segun and Chidi.
Segun and Chidi were very good friends.
If boys call themselves besties then Segun and Chidi will call themselves besties. But as guys don’t use that kind of lingo na, we’ll say Segun was Chidi’s “guy” and vice versa.

One evening, Chidi was craving suya. If you are a Nigerian and you don’t know suya then we really need to re-evaluate your citizenship o, lol.
If you’re not Nigerian, Suya is basically spicy grilled beef, but one like you have never tasted before. It is infused with flavors you can’t find anywhere else in the world; the evening breeze in naija*, the smoke from the grills used, the flavor from the newspaper used to wrap it…hmmm, don’t let me continue abeg, I am starting to salivate, and I am miles away from naija. lol

So this evening, Chidi wanted to eat suya and Segun was also feeling like suya would be a great idea, so they set out to get suya.
And to get correct suya, you have to go to a correct aboki* (IYKYK). Chidi and Segun walked and walked and walked and finally they got to the place of a correct aboki that sells one of the best suyas in that area.

The smell of the delicious suya filled their nostrils. Plenty customers were already there, choosing suya, the aboki was filling people’s orders, using plenty onions garnishing the suya.

Omo, their mouths began to water

When it was almost their turn to order, Chidi looked at Segun and said “my guy, e b like say my stomach dey do me somehow, I no wan chop suya again” (loosely translated to mean; I don’t feel like having suya again)

Segun was stunned. And angry. No suya again? After all the walking and excitement and anticipation? How can you just say NO to suya at the last minute??? How could his guy fall his hand like that??

Lemme pause there
You’re also angry on Segun’s behalf abi???
I feel you.
But what if at that moment, Segun goes ahead to buy the suya and then sits Chidi down and forces the suya down Chidi’s throat. Would that be okay??

If your answer is NO (which I hope it would be), then you get the basic meaning and concept of CONSENT.
Yeah, Consent.

So what exactly is sexual consent?

Consent is a VOLUNTARY agreement to participate in a sexual activity with a person or person(s).

Here are some basic things you need to know about sexual consent.

1.

Consent has to be voluntary. This one right here is very important. Consent is only valid if it is given voluntarily. Consent given by coercion or manipulation is not consent. Power dynamics could also influence the voluntary clause when it comes to consent. In other words, when there is a power imbalance i.e Boss to subordinate, Teacher to student, Pastor to church member…etc, a person might feel compelled to say yes even when they don’t mean yes. So a good question to ask in situations like that is : “Would this person say yes if I didn’t have power/authority over them?”

2.

Consent is reversible (RETRACTABLE). Someone that says YES now has the right to say NO later. You know the whole stuff that goes round about having girls sign document to show they have consented to sex…Well, that is not how consent works. Chidi can sign a document that he wants to eat suya and get to the suya place and not feel like it. Doesn’t make it right for Segun to force Suya down his throat. Consent can be reversed no matter how far into the sexual activity you are. There is no cut off point. Once a person says NO, the NO is NO.

3.

A person has to have the entire information before consent is valid. A person can consent to sex with condom and if the partner takes off the condom, then that consent is invalid and harassment has occurred. Please take note of this. A person could consent to kissing, but not sex. Think about it this way: Chidi can agree to eat suya but not the onions. Doesn’t make it right for Segun to now force the onions down his throat.

4.

Someone that is not in their right state of mind cannot consent to sex. A drunk person cannot consent to sex. An unconscious person cannot consent to sex.

5.

That someone has consented to sex with you in the past does not mean you have consent in the present. Segun and Chidi might have eaten suya together several times in the past, that does not mean Chidi has to eat suya with Segun this time when he does not feel like it. This is also true for couples. That she is your girlfriend/Fiancé/wife does not equal consent. If she says No, then NO is NO.

6.

An underage person cannot consent to sex. The legal age of consent differs from country to country. So pls check out the country you live in and the legal age of consent. If you have sex with an underage person, that is statutory rape and it is punishable under the law in several countries.

On a final note:
Remember:
Sexual activity without proper consent is rape or sexual assault.

Your body is your body. You should have full control over what happens to it. Your YES is YES and your NO is NO. if you don’t feel like it, say NO. Don’t feel obliged to consent to something you might regret later. Know that your partner should respect your decision irrespective of how it makes them feel.

If it’s good enough for suya and your friend’s mouth ,then it’s good enough for sex/sexual activities and your body.

Still confused about the whole consent thing, watch this video. It provides another analogy on consent that might explain it better.

So go ahead and enjoy Valentine’s day in peace with the info you just learnt about consent. You know I ghat you now😉😉

If you have learnt a thing or two reading this, Pls Share, Share and Share.

Women and men get sexually harassed daily and ignorance is not an excuse. So, pls do your part in curbing this societal menace.

Once again, Happy Valentine’s day❤💕
You all are my vals o. And the valentine gift I want from you is to subscribe to this website and share with your friends too😁😁. Don’t enjoy the info alone.

Thank you for reading 🤗
Catch you on the next post😊😊

Glossary
Naija: Nigeria
Aboki: A term used to refer to someone from the northern part of Nigeria. It is translated as “friend” in Hausa

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