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“It is one thing to know that rape is bad; It is another thing to know what constitutes rape.”

That was the statement a friend of mine said that got me so riled up earlier this week. The past few days have been filled with news stories about racial injustice in America, and rape stories in Nigeria. As a black woman, I have found myself angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, and sad. I have also had time to think and reflect. And so, I got to thinking about my friend’s statement and I came to the realisation that a lot of Nigerians, both men and women, do not know what constitutes rape and sexual assault. It is evident from comments and reactions you see online when another rape story hits the news. Comments like ‘Why didn’t she shout?’, ‘Why didn’t she push him away?’, ‘She is his girlfriend/wife so it can’t be rape’….and so on. The idea a lot of people have about rape is that it is this gory act that involves fighting, screaming, and violence. Truth of the matter is that this is not always the case. Rape can happen in several ways. A simple definition for rape is having sex with someone without consent, or after they have withdrawn consent.

And this is where sex education comes in.

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Sex education is a broad term used to describe education about topics relating to the emotional, physical and social aspects of sexuality. It usually encompasses topics like sexuality, safe sex, reproduction, reproductive rights, consent and how to navigate relationships. The argument for the inclusion of sex education in the Nigerian curriculum has been a back and forth squabble since sex education became a thing.

So, if sex education is missing from the Nigerian curriculum, how then do kids, teenagers, people, get information on sex? Their parents perhaps? lol. I am sure many Nigerians reading this will laugh at that statement. Many Nigerian kids have never heard their parents mention the word ‘sex’. Sex is shrouded in mystery. The only ‘birds and bees’ talk you get  (and most often only girls have the privilege of getting it) goes like this ‘if a man touches you, you will get pregnant’. And  this is where the issue lies.  Many young kids in Nigeria grow up with conflicting information about sex, sexuality, and  reproduction. As they become teenagers, their curiosity about sexuality heightens and so they resort to other means to get information to satisfy this curiosity. The media, songs, novels, porn and of course, their peers.  

According to UNESCO, evidence has shown that comprehensive sexual education empowers young people to make educated, informed, and healthy decisions regarding their sexuality. Sex education has also been shown to reduce the rate of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies. The opponents of sex education claim that teaching young kids about sex will lead to an increase in sexual activity. Yet research has shown the opposite. Evidence actually shows that abstinence-only education is grossly ineffective in delaying the age of sexual initiation, but rather makes it more likely for young kids to have unsafe and unprotected sex.

Despite this evidence, we leave our kids to the mercy of all these untrusted and unprofessional sites to get sex education. Our kids get sex education from songs that glorify rape culture, and reinforce the belief that a man is entitled to a woman’s body. From their peers that themselves have not gotten proper sex education. From pornographic sites that propagate a violent kind of sex as good sex. And yet, we wonder why rape cases abound.

So, while sharing hashtags and raising our voices are important measures to raise awareness, we must also reflect on how our actions, inactions, views, and policies are leading to the propagation of rape culture. We must take action beyond the hashtags. If you are a stakeholder, whether in schools, or in political positions, stand up for policies like the inclusion of sex education in our curriculum. If you are a parent, do not shy away from the sex topic. Talk openly and sincerely. Allow no judgement conversations. Do not propagate fear. Sex is not a thing to be feared. It is beautiful when done in the right context. Empower your kids, the youth, to make the right decisions and choices regarding their sexuality. Teach consent, to both boys and girls. And maybe, just maybe, when all is said and done, we will not have to create new hashtags every other week.